Hi Shane,
In that case, your best bet would be to order a set of discs from Alienware and do a clean install with those.
These are all registry issues relating to problems in your COMPONENTS hive, which contains details about every Windows component on your computer. It is widely used by Windows Update, as well as other tools (like SFC), and when there's damage this severe, it's unlikely that Windows Update or SFC will ever work again. These are only the problems that the System Update Readiness Tool has picked up, there's a very good chance there are many more lurking in the background. I dealt with a thread a few months ago where I fixed 100+ errors in a CheckSUR log, which is the most I've ever dealt with in one log, and after 18 pages of posts, we were hit by a completely different, much rarer, error that we didn't manage to fix.
The COMPONENTS hive is incredibly cross linked and the keys are all linked together like a chain, so even if you were to fix all 10268 (two can be ignored) errors, a lot more will appear as a result of this, as the SURT can see the next link in the chain is also broken.
Honestly, this isn't fixable :) Sorry!
Tom